Westhill Community Church

18^th May 2025

Following Jesus: One Flesh

Eph 5: 21-33

 

In the second half of Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, from the beginning of chapter 4, Paul exhorts Christian believers to live lives that are worthy of the salvation and calling they have received. Earlier in his letter Paul describes God’s wonderful intention to unite all things in heaven and on earth under Christ, and how by God’s grace all who believe in Jesus become a dwelling place for God himself. We together become Christ’s body, filled with all God’s fullness.

Knowing this, says Paul, should transform the way that we live. Firstly it should transform our interactions with other members of Christ’s body, ensuring that we play our part in seeing that body build itself up in love. Secondly it should transform our behaviour amongst others in society, ensuring that we always act as God himself would act, with generosity, kindness, compassion, forgiveness and love. Thirdly it should transform our attitude and behaviour within all the important ties and relationships that form part of our lives here on earth, whether chosen by us or not.

Today our passage focuses particularly on marriage relationships. God willing next week Dave will speak on the beginning of chapter 6, which teaches us about wider family relationships and also addresses the challenging issue of slavery.

Now before we look in more detail at what God has to say to us in these verses, let’s remind ourselves of some of the things the Bible teaches us about marriage. Way back in the first chapter of the book of Genesis we read these words,

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.  Gen 1: 27

This verse tells us something truly astonishing, if we take time to think about it. And it repeats the point it is making to emphasise it. When he created a man and a woman and brought them together God was making an image of himself. His intention was that when we observe a husband and wife functioning in the way he intended we will see something of what he himself is like. A poor reflection maybe, a portrayal carved in human flesh, but nevertheless an image of God himself.

Then in the next chapter we have a more detailed account of God’s creation of mankind. And partway through we have this intriguing account of God effectively saying, “That’s not good enough yet!”

The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’ Gen 2: 18

Man alone was not sufficient, to fulfil God’s purpose in revealing something of himself in his created world. A helper was needed. Now the Hebrew word translated “helper” here does not mean an assistant, or a servant appointed to carry out their master’s orders. The word is used infrequently in the Old Testament, and more often than not it is used to describe God Himself coming to the aid of a needy person. Here’s an example from Psalm 70.

But as for me, I am poor and needy; come quickly to me, O God. You are my help and my deliverer. Psalm 70: 5

The word “help” or “helper” essentially describes one who comes to the aid of another bringing additional resources, without which failure would be inevitable. So a man on his own could not fulfil God’s purpose, no more than a woman on her own could, but a man and a woman together could. United together they were able to depict an image of God himself, revealing something of his likeness.

This helps us understand something of what Jesus meant when he said,

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. … Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”  Matt 19: 5-6

A man and a woman united together in marriage become one, and God brings this about because His purpose for them is to reflect his image, who is himself One.

Now the next chapter of Genesis describes how Satan enters the scene, the one created to be an angel of light but now rebelling against God’s purposes. Satan is determined to thoroughly spoil God’s intentions for Adam and Eve. He entices them, too, to rebel against God’s purposes, and the consequences are catastrophic. And here is what God said to Eve about the effect on her relationship with her husband.

To the woman he said … ‘Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.’ Gen 3: 16

Your husband will rule over you. What was created to be a complementary relationship, each contributing what the other could not, now became lopsided and top-heavy. The man assumed a dominant position, controlling and manipulating, owning and possessing. And the effects are evident for all to see from generation to generation throughout all of human history.

So when Paul writes to the Christians at Ephesus about marriage relationships he has all this in mind, all of God’s wonderful purpose and intention at the beginning, the fact that married couples – indeed all mankind – should be a wonderful picture, of what God himself is like, but that through the coming of sin into the world this image has been spoiled and defaced. And the other thing he has in mind, indeed the subject that he is completely absorbed with, is that through Christ God has broken the power of sin and evil, and has dealt with the consequences. And indeed Paul further reveals that God’s plans and purposes, far from being marred and ruined by Satan’s intrigues, are now being fully revealed and fulfilled. God’s ultimate plan, he says, has been a mystery until the coming of Christ, but now we are beginning to understand it. Although he planned that a man and a woman in marriage would be a picture and illustration of what he himself is like, that was just a precursor or shadow of his ultimate intention. We read it this morning in the passage from Ephesians 5:

This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the Church.  Eph 5: 32

The real marriage, the ultimate union of love through which God will reveal himself, is the marriage between Christ and his Bride the Church. Earthly marriages are but a shadow, a sketchy picture, of what that heavenly union is like and will be like. Earlier in chapter 3 Paul could hardly contain himself as he wrote about this wonderful plan, once hidden but now revealed.

“this mystery, which for ages past was kept hidden in God … was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known … that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”  Eph 3: 9,10,19

And notice this: God did not intend that this marriage between Christ and his Bride, the Church, should be just an image or illustration of his likeness. No, his intention is that in this union he himself will be fully revealed. Not artwork, not a depiction, not a copy however skilfully made, but a true revelation of himself in all his glory – filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. How can this be, what does this mean, what will it be like? We don’t know. It is a mystery, says Paul, but we know enough to set our feet a-dancing. No wonder elsewhere he encourages God’s people to rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory!

So now you, Paul writes in the second half of Ephesians 5, you who are part of Christ’s Body, his Bride, who live in this new glorious reality and have this awesome destiny before you, how should this affect your relationships here on earth as you wait for the coming of your bridegroom? Marriage relationships, family relationships, working relationships. Relationships that are passing, relationships that are for this time only, not for eternity, relationships that are still marred and spoiled by the consequences of sin and evil. And the answer Paul gives is so counter-intuitive and baffling that on first reading we say, “Oh he can’t really mean that.”

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Eph 5: 21

Oh, he doesn’t really mean “submit”, we are tempted to say. He probably just means that we should be considerate to others, or be gentle in our responses. But the meaning of the original Greek word translated “submit” is quite clear: place yourself under, be subject to. So why does he say this? Again he gives us the answer – out of reverence for Christ. In simple terms we should do this because we belong to Jesus; because he is our Lord and Master, as well as our Saviour; because we want to do his will; because he has led us into this relationship; because we want the other person or persons in this relationship to see something of him and encounter him; because we want him to be honoured; because we want to be like him.

When writing to the church at Philippi Paul said

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same attitude as Christ Jesus.  Phil 2: 3-5

Then he went on to explain how Jesus humbled himself, became a servant to others, and submitted himself to abuse and eventually to death by crucifixion.

This, then, is what the New Testament instruction to submit means: to value others above yourself, not looking to further your own interests but theirs, having the same mind as Christ Jesus as you relate to them.

Now of course it is not particularly difficult to submit to others if they too have the same mind and are submitting to you. “I’ll do this for you,” “No I’ll do it for you,” and we laugh joyfully and end up doing it together. No, it’s when others are determined to ignore you, control you, abuse you or destroy you that it is hard to submit to them; but of course that is the path that Jesus committed himself to for us.

Now if this is what the instruction to submit really means, maybe we should take a look at what it doesn’t mean. The New Testament instruction to submit does not mean: to obey others without question, to let them do what they like to you without constraint, to support them in any evil behaviour. It is entirely possible to value them above yourself, to seek to further their interests rather than yours, to relate to them as Jesus would but at the same time to say, “No, your behaviour is not acceptable and I must take appropriate measures to ensure that it stops.” But how do we know when the line is crossed? How do we know when to patiently accept any abuse we endure and when to say “enough is enough”? Earlier in this chapter Paul shows us the way.

Live as children of light … and find out what pleases the Lord.  Eph 5: 9,10

Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.  Eph 5: 17

On first reading we might wonder what Paul meant when he gave these instructions. Hasn’t God given us his Word to tell us what his will is? What does “find out what pleases the Lord” mean? Well, of course the Word of God does give us instructions for living, and these instructions are like signposts pointing in the direction we should go. But we walk on a pathway, that has many twists and turns, and sometimes when the path divides we have to make a decision – which way? Jesus described such a situation when he spoke to the Pharisees about the Sabbath day law. If an ox or a child falls into a well on the Sabbath you will spend any amount of time and energy rescuing it, and rightly so, even though the Law commands you to rest (Luke 14: 5). Paul pointed out that in this life we repeatedly encounter darkness and evil, and have to make choices about how to respond. The right way, he said, is what pleases the Lord, so find that out, seek an understanding of what God wants you to do. We can learn from the life of Jesus.  When he faced the ordeal of the cross he shrank from what lay before him, but nevertheless sought his Father’s will and yielded himself to walk that path. But when he was an infant and King Herod unleashed his rage by slaughtering all of the baby boys in and around Bethlehem, God alerted Joseph beforehand and instructed him to flee from that terrible situation. Get out immediately, he said; this is not an ordeal for you to endure.

One of the reasons why we have prayer ministry at the close of our services is to support one another in seeking God’s direction. All of us face these choices time after time: what is the right way to respond in this situation; what does the Lord want me to do or say? He has promised to guide us, particularly when we join together with others in seeking his will.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’  Isa 30: 21

If two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.’  Matt 18: 19,20

So if you are troubled this morning about a difficult situation in your family life, or your work life, and are not sure what you should do, then join together with another in asking the Lord to show you the way to go. You can absolutely trust him to do so. When the Word of God says “understand what the Lord’s will is” and you humbly come to him confessing that you don’t yet understand his will but want to, you can be sure that he will reveal it to you. Perhaps what troubles you has to do with abuse you have experienced or observed, in family life, or in the workplace, or even in the church, and you don’t know what to do. Perhaps it happened in the past, but you still can’t shake off the heavy burden it has placed on you. I believe God wants you to hear his voice this morning, saying “this is the way, walk in it.”

Final Content Not Delivered at WCC on 18 May 2025

Now finally this morning some words of encouragement to the husbands amongst us. This is not an invitation for those who are not husbands to switch off! Take it all on board, because you need to pray for husbands that you know in the days ahead as they seek God’s enabling to put some of these things into practice.

Now of course Paul’s instruction to submit is made to all of us. Although he specifically applies it to wives submitting to their husbands, it is quite clear that he does not exclude husbands from the need to submit, after all he commences by saying “Submit to one another.” But he does spend a little more time focusing on the husband’s role, and actually what he says seems to be particularly encouraging:

For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church  Eph 5: 23

You’ve got to submit, husbands, but for you submission means be the head. Well that makes us husbands feel good, doesn’t it? Those of you that are recently engaged to be married, it’s something to look forward to, isn’t it?

So then, here’s a question, what does the Word of God mean when it describes the husband as the head in a marriage? What roles specifically does it have in mind – authority perhaps, decision making, getting respect, getting things done for you? Well, you’ll be pleased to know the apostle Paul spells it out in some detail.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church.  Eph 5: 25-29

Here is a summary of what these verses say.

1.  Love your wife as Christ loved the Church

2.  Give yourself up fully and completely for her benefit

3.  Spare no effort in enabling her to be radiant

4.  Treat her as you would treat yourself

Well, I don’t know about you other married men, but as I read these bullet points I am conscious that I fall short on every one of them. May God by his Spirit give us the grace to follow his example, as dearly loved children, to live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us.